The Day I Became A Mom

First of all, I feel I should just put a quick disclaimer here...I tend to be overly honest. So I am highly likely to say something that was just a little too much information without even realizing that others might find it to be such. So now that you are prepared for that potential occurrence, let me tell you about what turned out to be one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.


Hannah's story really starts months before when I was twenty-something weeks along with Hannah and terrified of giving birth. So one day while my husband, mother-in-law, and I were browsing a bookstore, I decided I needed help to get over the irrational fears that were going through my mind. So I plopped down in the parenting section of Mardels and started rifling through books to find one that I thought would help. After looking at several, I stumbled upon "The Birth Book" by William and Martha Sears.

It was important to me that the book I chose had natural pain management techniques, encouraged me in the process of natural childbirth and...by far the most important to me...contained childbirth stories so that I could be encouraged that it was possible. This book provided that and so much more. It also covered nutrition and exercises to do during pregnancy, medicine available at hospitals, VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), different positions during labor, fetal monitoring, episiotomies, C-Sections, and pretty much everything else you could think of concerning birth. It also contained historical data on birth and was basically just a treasure trove of invaluable information. The only downfall is that it was written quite a while ago (in 1994) and therefore lacks some of the more up-to-date information on pain medications and other such things that are more current. But regardless of that fact, I feel that this book was a major part of the reason I was able to successfully have the kind of labor and birth that I had hoped for. Now for the story!

So on Tuesday the 7th I opted to get a membrane sweep done because I was 39 weeks, 5 days along and wanted to avoid getting induced (which which was scheduled to be done at 41 weeks, 1 day due to the increased risk of fetal death at that point) if possible. The sweep was not majorly uncomfortable like I had read online. There was absolutely no pain. But it only succeeded at giving me stronger Braxton Hicks Contractions, which I had already been experiencing for about a week. I was 1cm dilated at 36 weeks and 2cm, 75% effaced at 38 weeks. At the time of the sweep, I was 3cm dilated and at least 75% effaced (I forgot to ask for the exact number) with what my doctor described as a "really soft" cervix. My body was ready. My next appointment with the doctor was on Tuesday, April 14th at 9am.

On the 14th, I was 40 weeks, 5 days along according to the dating scan that had been done at 10 weeks of pregnancy. However, I know the exact day I ovulated because I took an ovulation predictor kit due to feeling a little crampy and it was strongly positive. Suffice it to say I know exactly when I got pregnant. According to that, my due date was the 13th, so I was still a day overdue even according to my own calculation. The doctor checked me and said I was 4cm dilated. She went ahead and did another sweep while she was at it. While she was measuring my belly to be sure Hannah was growing properly, she said, "Oh! You're contracting right now! Can you feel it?" I couldn't feel a thing. Literally. Nothing. But I had felt a few contractions earlier that morning. The day before I had a couple so strong that they almost took me to the ground and it was a good thing I was standing by a counter at the time. But they had never gotten consistent or closer together, so I was still waiting. Anyways, after the doctor checked me and discovered that I was having contractions that I wasn't even feeling, she got a little nervous. To be honest, so did I. Mostly because my older sister had given birth four times and every time made it to the hospital just in time to push. She could feel the head of one of them before they even made it to the room. I had been concerned that the same would happen to me all along because I tend to have a very high pain tolerance.

The doctor asked if I would like to go ahead and go over to the hospital and start some Pitocin to get things moving further along. I was 3 days away from being induced anyways, and my husband would be working the next two days, making it slightly more difficult if I went into labor spontaneously and ended up being like my sister. I wasn't entirely interested at arriving at the hospital with intense contractions and an urge to push, so I looked at my husband, who was off work and at the appointment with me, and asked, "What do you think? Do you want to have a baby today?" He said it was up to me, so I thought about all of this and the fact that the dishes were done, the laundry was done, we were all packed with everything in the car with us, and I had had a good breakfast and a full nights sleep. All of these I felt were important factors for going into labor. The having had just eaten breakfast and had a good night's sleep were especially essential, so I looked at the doctor and she said, "I would honestly be nervous sending you home at this point. I would be much more comfortable if you went." I had grown to trust my OBGYN and her instincts. We picked her because she leaned more towards the natural side of things, had a low C-Section rate, hated episiotomies, and encouraged movement during labor. She also was so very laid back that I knew she would let me labor without feeling a need to rush things along or hurry to a C-Section unless an emergency arose.

So I agreed. We went over to the hospital and checked in, getting all situated and letting people know what was going on. I had a few light contractions during the whole process, but nothing big. The nurse put me on a fetal monitor and contraction monitor to keep track of how I was doing. Another nurse put an IV in my other arm which was just to keep me hydrated. I asked her if I would be able to move around, and she said "not really very much" because of the monitors, but that they would help me change positions frequently. She asked if I wanted pain meds or an epidural. I said no, that I wanted to do this naturally. She informed me that this was fine, but that pain meds couldn't be given once I hit 6cm due to making the baby sleepy. Epidurals can be given at any time. I already knew this from The Birth Book. She checked me and said that by her estimation, I was at 3cm. It was 10:30am. Then she left me alone to see if I would progress on my own.

Earlier in my pregnancy, I had developed PUPPPs (Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy), which is an incredibly itchy rash that was all over my stomach and caused the stretch marks to be swollen and have scabs from scratching. (It was another reason for being ready to give birth...it goes away afterward). I had had it for at least a couple of weeks and was so uncomfortable. The contraction monitor really irritated it, and it was more distressing than the contractions themselves. I put some olive oil on it, which only succeeded in causing the contraction monitor to give erratic readings due to sliding around. But I didn't really care. I just needed relief. Matthew suggested I go to the bathroom a lot to have an excuse to move around. Since it's important to have an empty bladder during labor, I thought this was a good idea and employed it. I often buzzed the nurse and got to go to the bathroom. I washed the olive oil back off during one of those trips. It was better once I got it soothed with water, and then the monitors didn't bother me in the least.



During Early Labor, I was just chilling out and reading my textbook for a class. When Matthew (my husband) asked me if it was working to distract me, I was like "Not really, but I have a test that opens up on the 17th. I have to study for it." He took the book from me and informed that I was in labor and wasn't allowed to be doing school unless it was actually helping me in some way. As it was, I was merely doing it out of obligation and because I'm a bit of an overachiever. After I gave birth to Hannah, the doctor saw my textbook in the room as well and was like, "Were you seriously reading that during labor?" I had taken a textbook to every appointment with her and used the time to get it read, so she knew I tended to do that. What can I say...I actually looked forward to those appointments because when I got home, I got to write down that I had completed another task. It was rather refreshing. She was amused that I was reading it during labor, but not surprised. (I also get sidetracked easily. Just so you know. Back to the story). After that, Matthew asked if I wanted to watch Monk, and I did, so we started on Season 3.

Around 12, they checked me again and I was still at 3cm, so the nurse asked if I had discussed with my doctor about starting Pitocin or breaking my water first and what we had decided. We had never really discussed that, but I had thought about it. Originally I had wanted to just start Pitocin, but when I was there in the moment, I made a split-second decision and said probably breaking my water first. The nurse got ahold of my doctor and about 30 mins later, they broke my water. It was actually far less traumatic than I had imagined. There was practically no discomfort. Then they left me alone again to labor on my own. Matthew was the only one in the room, as had been the case the entire time except when the nurse helped me to get to the bathroom. After my water was broken, contractions started to become more regular and slightly stronger. They took a bit more concentration. I ignored what the nurse had said and got out of the bed and stood by it, walking around a bit and just working through the discomfort. It was more important to me to be mobile than to comply.

Around 3:00, the nurse decided it was time to start me on Pitocin so that my contractions would become more regular. She talked to me a little bit about it and I asked what dosages the hospital typically does. The night before, I had been doing research on Pitocin to see what was considered a "low" dose so that I could do that. In doing so, I stumbled upon this website that really helped me with my fears of being induced. I had read and heard that Pitocin makes labor hard because the contractions are stronger than they are normally. Most women who get induced ask for an epidural because the pain is so bad. I was terrified that I would be one of them. But, like I said, I found this website. It said,

"A lot of women swear that a pitocin labor is far more painful than a spontaneous labor. I won't argue with them. I've done two labors with and two without and can't say which was more difficult. I will say that pitocin is crazy effective in putting you into hard-rockin' labor. Hard rockin' labor is far more painful than soft-rockin' labor but--most of the time—it's the hard stuff that gets the job done. The reason pitocin is considered so much harder than natural labor is that it gives you really strong contractions in a less gradual time frame than you might get on our own. Let's look at it this way: Think of an old fashioned record player. If early labor is when the needle's on the outside of the record and hard labor is the inside track closer to the label (the label is your baby); pitocin picks the needle up from the outside and puts it on the inside. Left on your own, you'd eventually get there yourself but it might take a really, really long time and your record might skip—essentially keeping you in a stuck position. Your needle has to play that last song on the record before your baby's born. That's just the way it is." (Source)

That truly helped me to cope with the anxiety that I had been feeling that I would give in to pain meds when it was very important to me that I have as natural a labor as possible. I think that choosing to go ahead and go to the hospital rather than waiting three days also played a big part in helping me to not freak out so much about it because I didn't have all that extra time to grow more and more anxious. I had to accept pretty quickly that this was happening, and I think that helped me. I had settled in my mind and heart before I came to the hospital that regardless of how she came, I would be holding my daughter within the day, and that became my focus. So when they started me on Pitocin, I was mentally and emotionally ready. However, I was exceedingly glad that they had let me labor on my own for several hours first to see if I could do it on my own.

The nurse started me on a very low dose of 2 mU to see if it would help my contractions get into a more regular pattern. It worked and I was soon in active labor, with contractions coming regularly and labor progressing well. At some point the nurse checked me and I was at 5cm dilated. The contractions took more focus and I began to turn my thoughts toward things that made me happy in between contractions in order to "let go" of each one after it came, as the book mentioned above had instructed. It was very important to not focus on the pain of the contractions in between them and to rather dwell on joyful things. Mostly I thought about my husband and our wonderful life. I imagined our little girl. It was mostly a task of mind over matter. During the contractions, I really focused in on my breathing and Matthew started providing counter pressure by massaging my lower back, where most of the pain radiated. At one point a nurse came in and asked Matthew if he would like a ball to sit on. Before he could answer, I was like, "Yes! He would." I planned to commandeer that ball, but I hadn't felt right about asking for one since the other nurse had told my I couldn't move around much. I had been using Matthew's exercise ball at home for the past couple of months and kept telling him that I definitely wanted a birthing ball at my labor. The nurse brought it in and brought it to me instead of Matthew, which I found amusing. She said something along the lines of, "You can use this during contractions, and it may help". As soon as I sat on it, the pain went away. It was so wonderful. It made contractions so much more bearable. I continued to remain active, moving between sitting on the bed, standing, walking, sitting on the ball, and occasionally lying on my side. It was really just a bunch of experimentation to see what helped to alleviate the pain the most. Sometimes one position would work and other times it wouldn't and I would have to try something new.

Soon enough, my contractions were rolling on top of one another and apparently I looked like I was in a lot of pain because the nurse chose to bump my Pitocin levels down from 2mU to 1mU. I loved that nurse at that moment. Although the pain wasn't unbearable, it was getting hard to relax between them because I didn't have much time to do so. The contractions remained regular after that but became a little further apart, to about 3 mins apart or so, I believe. My OBGYN came in later and checked me and I was still at a 5, so she had them put me back at 2mU. I'm not sure if the nurse actually did or not. By this time, I had completely lost track of time because I had taken off my glasses and couldn't see the clock. Plus, I didn't really think about it. I was more concerned with getting through labor and delivery.

At one point, the nurse informed me that her shift would be over soon and she would be handing me into the care of another nurse. Although I didn't say anything, I was quite unhappy with this because she had already made it into my comfort zone. She had such a sweet and gentle nature and was so very kind that I guess being in the throes of labor caused me to allow her into my comfort zone much more quickly than I normally would. A little bit later, I went to the bathroom and that's when the new nurse came. My previous one stayed there and introduced me to her, saying that "she's one of my favorites". Of course, I knew she probably only said this to comfort me in my laboring state, but it was sweet. I would guess it was probably around 5pm at this point, as that seems a reasonable hour for a shift change and I had likely been laboring with Pitocin for around two hours.

My labor gradually became more intense and my new nurse checked me as being still at a 5 and said that she wouldn't check my dilation again until and unless I wanted her to because she knew I wanted a natural birth. I suppose she took more of the hands off philosophy. I decided right then and there that she was my new favorite. Not having to have my cervix checked while enduring contractions? Oh yeah! Right on! But I was still at a 5 at this point. I felt so downhearted after she told me that. I felt the same way I had felt in the weeks previous when I was experiencing Braxton Hicks...like my body was stuck and not doing what it was designed to do. I felt helpless and so sad. But only for a moment, because I reminded myself that this was not like the Braxton Hicks...I was legitimately in labor and I WOULD really be holding my little girl by the end of the night or by early morning. However, I told myself that she was coming tonight and set my mind and heart to that end. That may have played a big part in really taking on the contractions mentally and working through them. I wanted desperately to hold my little girl. I remember my doctor asking me at one of my appointments, perhaps the one that morning, where she got the stubborness from since she wouldn't come out. I was immediately like, "Oh, me. Definitely me." But my stubborness helped me get through labor because I was bound and determined to be holding my little girl before midnight.

I continued laboring and my contractions continued to get stronger. Eventually I had to turn to things deeper inside of me to relax between them. The deepest thing in me was my faith, so that was what I leaned on. I imagined the Creator painting sunrises and building trees. I watched in my minds eye as He looked on while waves crashed against shorelines and grass in a vast golden field like you find in Texas swayed in the wind. I saw Him fashion the tiny fingers of my little girl and imagined what he had designed her to look like. I thought of Psalm 139 and imagined Him knitting her together in my womb just for this moment, when she was ready to come out and I would get to meet her.

As it got even harder, I had to rely on the concepts I had taught myself years before when I was about 17 in choosing my thoughts. I had read Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind and, afterwards, decided that instead of being a pessimist as I definitely was at the time, I wanted to be an optimist. To that end, I truly set to work at that time really being diligent about not letting impure or negative thoughts have their place in my mind. I even have a praise song that I taught myself to sing any time I'm having impure thoughts. It triggers as soon as I recognize that my thoughts are, in fact, impure. It serves as a great distraction. At first, I had to really concentrate on singing the song every time a thought came to get myself into the habit, but now it comes on its own immediately as if it's second nature. In case you're wondering, it's "Fire Fall Down" by Hillsong United. I only sing the chorus in my mind because I can never remember the rest. ANYWAYS...I got sidetracked there for a minute....so as it got harder, I had to truly begin changing my thoughts. Every time I would think about how difficult it was, I would change the thought into a praise for God. I would thank Him for making my body the way He had, for giving me the ability to give birth, for blessing me with a child, for just about anything and everything that would allow me to focus on how much of a blessing this was rather than how hard it was.

Contractions got hard, and at one point, I was like, "I'm gonna throw up!" There was a bucket on the table. I'm not sure what it was actually for, but I asked Matthew to bring it to me, and I used it for expelling my toxic waste. I had known long before that I wasn't going to make it through labor without throwing up because I had thrown up until 19 weeks into my pregnancy, and I had heard that you can throw up during labor. I knew that since I was prone to it, I was likely to do so. The thought entered my mind that I was probably in transition because that's when many women throw up,as I had learned from the book that I mentioned above. Someone told the nurse that I threw up and from then on, she stayed in the room with us rather than coming in to check on me on occasion. She asked me if I wanted some Zoloft, and I was like, "No, thanks". I said this because throwing up, for me, feels like such a release. It's up there among my favorite sensations, with sneezing being right above it. (Hey, when you're throwing up for 19 weeks straight and can barely eat, you learn to appreciate the little things. It's AMAZING how much a sneeze can relieve nausea).

The back pain that I was experiencing intensified to the point where it was difficult to communicate. I would speak too quietly for anyone to hear me and would consequently have to gather all my strength to repeat myself, which came out in what Matthew describes as "grunts". I would give quick, typically one-word instructions such as "harder!" or "lower!" (I was telling my husband to press harder on my lower back or to move his hands lower to relieve the pain).  For the most part, those were the only words I spoke. Other than that, it took all the energy and focus that I had to just do the slow, calm breathing that I had practiced for months. Sometimes I would get too focused on the pain and the nurse could tell because those were usually the times I gave my one-word instructions, so she would remind me to breathe. I listened to her and would refocus my attention on that. Sometimes I literally had to just focus all my attention on Matthew's face and imitate him (he was doing the breathing we had practiced) because I would literally forget how. Sometimes I would furrow my eyebrows, confused about how in the world he was doing that, but I would just copy him and I made it through. Sometimes he would do the faster breathing that we had also practiced that I had picked out because I thought I would like it, but in the moment, I decided I didn't because it was too hard to attempt to do, so I would kind of shake my head and do the slow breathing, and he would switch back to that for me.

At one point, probably around 7:30, Matthew's dad brought him some Subway and he left the bedside to go eat. He was still in the room, but I still wasn't thrilled about the prospect of him not being there. People say that during labor, they had all kinds of awful thoughts about their husbands. Numerous people warned us that he shouldn't take anything to heart that I said. I guess I was an odd one, because I can honestly say that I fell more in love with my husband during labor. He was such a great support and would often reassure me with comments like, 'you can do this', you're doing great', and other things like that. I relied heavily on those words of encouragement to get me through mentally.

Soon, however, the smell of the food got to me, and I yelled "Food! Out!" Right before I threw up. I'm laughing now as I remember the way Daddy (Matthew's dad), and Matthew scurried out of the room. It was funny even then. I knew I was in transition (7-10 centimeters dilated). However, labor also intensified and I began to doubt my ability to do this. After Matthew had returned, the nurse said something along the lines of "I know you wanted a natural  birth, so whenever you're ready to have your cervix checked, I'll let you decide." I told her that I wanted to go to the bathroom first. She and Matthew helped me to the bathroom. I had one contractions the way and two while in the bathroom. The toilet was SO comfortable that I said I didn't want to move. The nurse got this really compassionate look on her face and simply said, "yeah, but toilets make nurses nervous", and Matthew just nodded. So I got up and had a contraction which I had to breathe through. They helped me back to the bed and I laid on my side and had such a strong contraction that tears started streaming down my face. I looked at Matthew and said, "Can I do this?" He got down by the side of the bed, took my hands in his, and said, "Yes baby, you can DO this. You're doing so well. You're doing so well. You're almost there." Transition is the shortest phase, and I knew that intellectually, but going through it makes you lose your mind. I needed to hear that so badly right then because I was just about ready to ask for some pain meds. But his saying that strengthened my resolve, helped me to recommit, and gave me the courage to have my cervix checked. It was a highlight of being in labir thay I remember a year later. I was terrified of having my cervix checked because I didn't think I could emotionally handle her saying I wasn't in transition and had a long time to go. 

I rolled over on to my back to have it checked, and the nurse smiled and said, "You're at an 8". In started weeping with relief and just kept saying over and over " Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." To God, to her, to Matthew, to the whole world. I was so relieved because I knew I would soon meet my daughter. Two contractions later, And I was fully dilated and able to start pushing. I just remember closing my eyes through those two contractions and when I opened them, there were what seemed to me like 10 people (actually 5) all dressed in surgical garb, including my OBGYN. It was such a relief to see Dr. Allison Huebert. She was like the boat that comes to rescue you. She brought calm into the room. 

"I need you to listen to me, OK Brittany? Look right at me. Focus on me. We're going to start pushing now, OK?" I just kept repeatedly saying, "Yes ma'am" and put all my focus on her. I trusted her to tell me when to push, and she did a great job instructing me, flowing with my body and not rushing things. In fact, there were times when she stopped saying "push" and I kept pushing becuase I was determined to get that baby out. She would just say, "Oh you're not done. Gonna keep going? Well OK then". Now, I know I should have listened to her more and I probably wouldn't have had a 2 degree tear (which she patched up beautifully). Soon, I gasped, " I can't breathe!" and they quickly put an oxygen mask on me. The fresh air was such a relief. 

After about 40 minutes or so, she asked if I would like a full length mirror brought in so I could see and be encouraged to push. I nodded and they wheeled in a huge mirror. For the first time ever, I saw the top of my beautiful daughter's head. She had a full head of dark hair that the Dr. Huebert was twirling as she came out. It was so long and thick that she couldn't resist. Seeing her gave me new resolve and I pushed like I hadn't before. She kept encouraging me to keep my eyes open during the pushing stages so I could see her slide out. At one point, Hannah started to slide back in, as is nomal in delivery, and I said in a firm voice "Oh no you don't, young lady! You are coming OUT!" I then tensed my muscles so she couldn't slide any further in (Kegels paid off).  Everyone in the room laughed and Dr. Huebert said, "Oh she sounds like a mom now!" Finally, finally, after about 55 mins of pushing, my little girl's 17cm circumference head emerged, and within five minutes, out came the rest of her. Her cord was cut and I held her right away. I felt another pushing sensation and said, "Has my placenta come out yet, because it's coming!" And out it came, practucally on it's own. I only had to give a very small push. I then handed Hannah off to the nurses and she was taken care if, then passed to her Daddy and Grammy. It was the most beautiful experience of my life and produced the most amazing little human I have ever met. 

10:16 pm: Hannah Abigail Day. 8lbs, 13 oz, 21.5 inches long.