The Daunting Task of Parenthood and Christmas

I'm going to be a mom in a mere fifteen weeks, approximately. The thought of it is thrilling, yet daunting. Technically, I'm already a mom, what with the gymnastics going on in my stomach that didn't start until bedtime and the consequential need to implore my husband to sing to our little girl so that I could sleep. That's parenthood, right? The bedtime fight? (The singing actually worked, by the way. She stopped her flip-flopping and got still so that I could sleep. She likes her daddy's voice, thankfully).

But parenthood is so much more than that, and the real test comes when I have to figure out what to teach my little girl. That, indeed, is the daunting part of this task I have been handed. I remember sitting in the living room as I received a long-winded speech about the pitfalls of my actions from my mother. At the end of it, inevitably, was the ever-present reminder: "It is my job to train you up in the way that you should go, so that when you are old, you will not depart from it. Because one day I will stand before the throne of God and have to be accountable for what I taught you. So I'm not here to be your friend. I'm here to be your mom." I even once jokingly told her that I was going to put Proverbs 22:6 on her gravestone because she said it so often and it was like her life's motto.

And now, soon, it will be my turn. It will be my job to take the torch and carry it forward to another generation. I just have one problem. There are some things that I'm standing on the fence regarding what I believe about them. The fence isn't the greatest place to be. It's a bit unstable and I often feel like I'm about to fall. But regardless, I will be responsible for what I pour into this child, and I value the position I have in her life very highly. To me, it's quite a serious matter....what I teach her. I feel that it is both the most rewarding and the most heavy responsibility that we have as parents.

I'm not so worried about the easier things like ABC's and school and tying shoes. Rather, I'm apprehensive about the bigger things that I'm not even sure about. For instance....Christmas. Today is actually Christmas day, and while I understand that I won't have to teach her about all the ins and outs of it for a couple of years, when she will comprehend what I am saying, I also realize that sometime before then I need to decide what it is that I actually want to teach her about it. A few years back, I did a bunch of research and discovered the depressing truth that Christmas had entirely pagan roots. I stopped celebrating it. I still don't plan to, but I am nevertheless stuck with a dilemma...do I emphasize the pagan roots in teaching her about it, or do I emphasize the charitable spirit that Christmas now has? A year ago yesterday I was working in a bakery and refused to promote Christmas in any way. I wouldn't even put the colors red and green together on a cake or cupcakes. I attempted to avoid the cake orders that were Christmas-y. I dreaded the moments when people walked in and wanted me to write Happy Birthday Jesus on a cake. I sometimes passed it off to another bakery worker. Didn't they know that he was actually born during the Jewish feast of Sukkot in September/October? They didn't celebrate their own birthdays two months later....why His? And it was well documented that December 25th, the time of the Winter Solstice, was the feast of Saturnalia and the birthday of the sun god Tammuz. Why was everyone celebrating this and fine with it? It was pure pagan. I was excellent at judging everyone and their dogs (who often wore Santa suits).

All Done! by Roxanne Ready licensed under CC by 2.0

Now it's a year later and I am seeing things completely differently. Yes, it used to be pagan and they literally worshiped another god during this time. But that was nearly 2000 years ago. What does it look like now? I don't see any gods being worshiped except Yeshua, who deserves to be worshiped anyways. I see a whole bunch of people thinking, at least for this one time a year, of those less fortunate. I see people volunteering at homeless shelters and sending gifts to children in other countries who lack the most basic of necessities. I see smiles EVERYWHERE. People are actually nice to strangers on the street during this time. Families come together and look forward to spending time together. Differences are set aside. There is so much joy. So I have to ask myself....does Christmas today even remotely resemble its pagan past? I have to answer no. There are no public orgies. People aren't running off to temple prostitutes. Messianics during this time constantly hold up Jeremiah 10:2-4 for all to see. It fits so perfectly with the Christmas trees seen going up during this time...until you look at the second half of verse 3: "A tree from the forest is cut down and worked with an axe by the hands of a craftsman". We Messianics conveniently forget that part. It is quite obvious from this that what they are talking about is literally fashioning an idol out of this wood from the tree. They are not talking about putting up a whole tree in one's house. Additionally, I have never seen anyone who celebrates Christmas bowing down and worshiping their trees. Not once. People can have idols in their hearts, yes. But it is between them and God whether or not they are taking the Christmas season further than just enjoying it into worshiping it. 

Still I waver on what to teach our little girl. What does God think of this season? Does He look down at all the joy, all the charity...pure and wholesome...and abhor it because of its past? Does he hate it because it was once a completely different celebration to a completely different god? And, what if we didn't have internet? Would we even know about this? More than likely not, unless we were historians. Are we now obligated to hate this holiday simply because of the advancement of technology? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

No matter what I end up teaching my daughter, it's important that I teach it with a clear conscience before my Creator. I may not get it perfect, but I can at least do my best. Perhaps that's what parenthood is...doing your best and being willing to apologize when you fail. What are some things you have struggled with about being a parent?

It's A Whole New World

Sometime after one of my many trips to the inner sanctum of porcelain where I go to present my previously-nearly-daily sacrifices of food, I had a weak moment. I dissolved against the yellow diamond checker patterned bathroom wall and proceeded to weep tears of hopelessness. After seven full weeks of losing my lunch, I felt pretty down. I was losing hope that it would all magically end in a mere week with the onset of my twelfth week of pregnancy as if someone flipped a switch in my body that lets the baby know that they can now begin the process of actually receiving nutrients from me.

I managed to compose myself, however, and did what any sane person does these days: ran to Google. I typed in "Why didn't anyone tell me pregnancy would be so hard?" and gained a treasure trove of information. The one that stands out to me the most was a blog that had me laughing so hard at how relatable it was and bursting out "Yes! Exactly!! Somebody gets it!" at random intervals that I was inspired. The idea of writing a blog so that somebody, somewhere would know that they were not alone appealed to me.

Desmond Tutu by BK licensed under CC by 2.0

When my husband got home, I said to him, "I think pregnancy may force me to write a blog". His face lit up as if he was a child and I had just told him we were leaving for Disney World in five days. "You should! Do it! Do it! You should totally do it!" he responded as he barely refrained from jumping up and down.

But I was reluctant. What would I say? What did I possibly have to offer the world except boring anecdotes from my wonderful life? What kind of impact could I possibly make on anyone's life? Then I started comparing. He happens to have a blog. It's all religious and beautiful and perfect. I am not that kind of person. I am real and raw and excruciatingly honest. I shared this with him and he tells me that this is a good thing, that people like that.

I'm still hesitating. Do I really want to do this? Tell the whole world my thoughts and hope that they can take something from it that just possibly helps them? That's a scary thought. I am so so so way too honest. Something is going to one day flow out of my fingers and everyone is going to see it and I am going to regret it and then it's going to go viral and then....

See? This is my issue. I worry too much. So I continued to procrastinate until one day as I do schoolwork, my husband walks up to me and asks for my email password. I'm currently quite focused on the paper that I'm writing for my business class and give it to him. I wonder momentarily what he's up to before I quickly get distracted as is often the case (I'm like the dogs off of "Up") and refocus on my intense paper.

Soon, I'm done with school and he's pulling me over to his computer. "Look!!" he says with that same look of delight on his face.

The boy has started a blog for me. I don't know how to react. I am secretly happy and excited but there is no way I can let him get off the hook so easily.

"Oh no...you didn't. Please tell me you didn't. You....you MADE me a blog?"

"Yes! Isn't it great?!" he lifts himself onto his toes and quickly sets himself back down again to emphasize the last word.

Now I'm obligated. I'm happy, excited, nervous, and worried all at once, but here I go. I took it on, changing the name to what I wanted, playing around until I found the right colors and font to fit my personality. I got excited, adding my description and really making it my own. I dabbled until I found my way around the place, and in just a few short moments, I became a blogger. I may stumble and storytell my way through, but at least I can be an encouragement to other moms the same way that blog was for me. This will be an adventure unlike any other. Won't you join me?